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violaine
poruka Feb 16 2007, 15:30
Poruka #21




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(NS-CODE)
(I'm with the pilots)
Several students were asked the following problem:

Prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.

...



joj, da... kako se ovog nisam setio D.gif


hehe ja znam od malena, za par "osnovnih" odgovora na to, tipa ono da se zabaguje kod 7 itd
a ovo je vec zaista perverzno :]


a ima i neki vic, kao idu C programer i zena u kupovinu i tako posle par radnji nakupovalo se par ogromnih kesa i sad dolaze u 6. radnju i zena kaze "aj ti mene cekas napolju sa tim silnim kesama, nemoj se pomerati, pazi ih blabla, ionako ne mozes unutra sa svim tim stvarima" i posle pola sata izlazi zena iz ranje sa jos par kesa novih, a tmao joj muz sedi tuzan nesto
i sad, ne secam se jbiga vica dobro skroz, al ona ga pita sta ne valja, vidi da su sve kese tu, sve je oke, a on kaze "pa kako sve tu, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4"


mislim kontate u cemu je fora al tako nesto ishao vic jbiga cula pre n godina
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violaine
poruka Feb 28 2007, 14:51
Poruka #22




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The Evolution of a Programmer


High School/Jr.High

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END

First year in College

program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.

Senior year in College


(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))

New professional

#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;

for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("\n");
}

Seasoned professional

#include <iostream.h>
#include <string.h>

class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;

string() : size(0), ptr(new char[1]) { ptr[0] = 0; }

string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}

~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}

friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};

ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}

string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}

int main()
{
string str;

str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;

return(0);
}

Master Programmer

[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");

// bring in my interfaces
#include "pshlo.idl"

[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};

[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{

// some code related header files
importheader(<windows.h>);
importheader(<ole2.h>);
importheader(<except.hxx>);
importheader("pshlo.h");
importheader("shlo.hxx");
importheader("mycls.hxx");

// needed typelibs
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");
importlib("thlo.tlb");

[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};


#include "ipfix.hxx"

extern HANDLE hEvent;

class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);

CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();

HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);

private:
static int cObjRef;
};


#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include "thlo.h"
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

int CHello::cObjRef = 0;

CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}

HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf("%ws
", pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}


CHello::~CHello(void)
{

// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef--;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);

return;
}

#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

HANDLE hEvent;

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();

hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);

// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);

// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();

return(0); }

extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;

CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

#include <windows.h>
#include <ole2.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "clsid.h"

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];

// get object path
wcsPath[0] = '\0';
wcsT[0] = '\0';
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specified\n");
return(1);
}

// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World");

printf("Linking to object %ws\n", wcsPath);
printf("Text String %ws\n", wcsT);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {


hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {

// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);

Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt);

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}

return(0);
}

Apprentice Hacker

#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.\n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!\n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!\n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;

Experienced Hacker

#include <stdio.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}

Seasoned Hacker

% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out

Guru Hacker

% echo "Hello, world."

New Manager

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END

Middle Manager

mail -s "Hello, world." [email protected]
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D

Senior Manager

% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.

Chief Executive

% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
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NS-CODE
poruka Feb 28 2007, 15:49
Poruka #23

you can't handle the tur!


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prepuno greaka :mrgud:


ali :smeh:


--------------------
As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.

Godwin's law
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violaine
poruka Feb 28 2007, 15:57
Poruka #24




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(NS-CODE)
prepuno greaka :mrgud:


i ti si primetio? :oops2:


:smeh:
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violaine
poruka Feb 28 2007, 16:03
Poruka #25




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interesting things that you learn about computers in the movies...

1. High tech equipment is often driven by a computer with a DOS prompt. (re: RoboCop)
loool

2. High tech companies don't do offsite backups of the data (re: Terminator 2)

3. All media devices are readily available - ie If someone hands you a DAT tape with important data on it your PC will have a DAT drive.

4. No matter what you ask a computer to do it will respond with a percentage complete bargraph - especially when searching for data it can accurately give you the time remaining until it finds that data.

5. Data searching will always involve displaying all the searched data on the screen until a match is found - this is true of text and graphics such as fingerprints.

6. Telephone calls can be easily redirected through places all over the world, and upon a tracea globe will be displayed complete with lines travelling between each place.

7. Deleting of data always takes just a little less time than it takes the bad guys to knock down the door.

8. Alltechnology is plug and play - every computer can have any piece of technology attached.

9. High tech graphical interfaces are often driven by hundreds of keystrokes which do not appear anywhere on the screen.

10. IP addresses automatically supply the feds with the physical address (ie log on and they know where you are!)

11. Word processors never display a cursor.

12. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. Just keep hitting the keys without stopping

13. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

14. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical >interfaces.

15. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

16. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.


17. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, > >just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk >drives and monitors.

18. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

19. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

20. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. (See #7, above)

21. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

22. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

23. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

24. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

25. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

26. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a >backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.

27. If a disk has encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

28. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by >any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all >computer platforms.

29. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

30. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

31. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

32. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

33. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

34. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

35. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.
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PR0T0N
poruka Feb 28 2007, 16:20
Poruka #26




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(I'm with the pilots)
#include <stdio.h>
#define S "Hello, World\n"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}

Ovo je najjae. :tobre:





Seta covek pored neke bare, kad zaba skoci ispred njega i progovori:

- Ako me poljubis pretvoricu se u prekrasnu princezu!!!

Covek joj pride uzme je i stavi je u dzep. Zaba opet progovori:

- Hej, nisi cuo? Ako me poljubis pretvoricu se u prekrasnu princezu!!!

Covek izvadi zabu iz dzepa, pogleda je, nasmesi se i vrati je nazad u
dzep. Sad zaba, vec sva ocajna, progovori:

- Ako me poljubis, pretvoricu se u prekrasnu princezu, bicu s tobom
koliko god ti zelis, i radicu sve sto pozelis.

Covek opet izvadi zabu, ponovno se nasmesi i vrati je u dzep. Zaba ce:

- Dobro, pa u cemu je problem? Rekla sam ti da cu se pretvoriti u
prekrasnu princezu, bicu s tobom koliko god to zelis i radicu sve sto
pozelis. Zasto onda neces da me poljubis??

Covek odgovori:

- Gle, ovako, ja sam programer i nemam vremena za cure i ta sranja, ali
imati zabu koja prica je bas cool!!


--------------------
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frik
poruka Feb 28 2007, 16:20
Poruka #27

Epic Pudding


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Hehehehe, ^ do jajeta :tobre:


--------------------

I'd kindly ask you to Shut The Fuck Up.
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violaine
poruka Feb 28 2007, 16:40
Poruka #28




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ovo je "Staro" al je kul

Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the diskettes before inserting them into the drive.

Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

:wicked: :smeh:

(meni ovo smesno, izvinjavam se ako smara)

*/-*-*-*-*--*-*--*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*

i ovo je oke, ima :] stvari

Men Who Use Computers Are The New Sex Symbols Of The `90s
Scott Adams
Windows Magazine, May 1995

I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip "Dilbert." Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans -- that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. Some say they've already married a Dilbert and couldn't be happier.

If you're not familiar with Dilbert, he's an electrical engineer who spends most of his time with his computer. He's a nice guy but not exactly Kevin Costner.

Okay, Dilbert is polite, honest, employed and educated. And he stays home. These are good traits, but they don't exactly explain the incredible sex appeal. So what's the attraction?

I think it's a Darwinian thing. We're attracted to the people who have the best ability to survive and thrive. In the old days it was important to be able to run down an antelope and kill it with a single blow to the forehead.

But that skill is becoming less important every year.

Now all that matters is if you can install your own Ethernet card without having to call tech support and confess your inadequacies to a stranger whose best career option is to work in tech support.

It's obvious that the world has three distinct classes of people, each with its own evolutionary destiny:

Knowledgeable computer users who will evolve into godlike non-corporeal beings who rule the universe (except for those who work in tech support).

Computer owners who try to pass as knowledgeable but secretly use hand calculators to add totals to their Excel spreadsheets. This group will gravitate toward jobs as high school principals and operators of pet crematoriums. Eventually they will become extinct.

Non-computer users who will grow tails, sit in zoos and fling dung at tourists.

Obviously, if you're a woman and you're trying to decide which evolutionary track you want your offspring to take, you don't want to put them on the luge ride to the dung-flinging Olympics. You want a real man. You want a knowledgeable computer user with evolution potential.

And women prefer men who listen. Computer users are excellent listeners because they can look at you for long periods of time without saying anything. Granted, early in a relationship it's better if the guy actually talks. But men use up all the stories they'll ever have after six months. If a woman marries a guy who's in, let's say, retail sales, she'll get repeat stories starting in the seventh month and lasting forever. Marry an engineer and she gets a great listener for the next 70 years.

Plus, with the ozone layer evaporating, it's a good strategy to mate with somebody who has an indoor hobby. Outdoorsy men are applying suntan lotion with SPF 10,000 and yet by the age of 30 they still look like dried chili peppers in pants. Compare that with the healthy glow of a man who spends 12 hours a day in front of a video screen.

It's also well established that computer users are better lovers. I know because I heard an actual anecdote from someone who knew a woman who married a computer user and they reportedly had sex many times. I realize this isn't statistically valid, but you have to admit it's the most persuasive thing I've written so far.

If you still doubt the sexiness of male PC users, consider their hair. They tend to have either: (1) male pattern baldness -- a sign of elevated testosterone -- or (2) unkempt jungle hair -- the kind you see only on people who just finished a frenzied bout of lovemaking. If this were a trial I think we could reach a verdict on the strong circumstantial evidence alone.

I realize there are a lot of skeptics out there. They'll delight in pointing out the number of computer users who wear wrist braces and suggest it isn't the repetitive use of the keyboard that causes the problem. That's okay. Someday those skeptics will be flinging dung at tourists. Then who'll be laughing? (Answer to rhetorical question: everybody but the tourists.)

Henry Kissinger said power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. And Bill Clinton said that knowledge is power. Therefore, logically, according to the U.S. government, knowledge of computers is the ultimate aphrodisiac. You could argue with me -- I'm just a cartoonist -- but it's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.

You might think this was enough to convince anyone that men who use computers are sexy. But look at it from my point of view: I'm getting paid by the word for this article. I'm not done yet.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

Technology has replaced hot cars as the new symbol of robust manhood. Men know that unless they get a digital line to the Internet no woman is going to look at them twice.

It's getting worse. Soon anyone who's not on the World Wide Web will qualify for a government subsidy for the home-pageless. And nobody likes a man who takes money from the government, except maybe Marilyn Monroe, which is why the CIA killed her. And if you think that's stupid, I've got 100 words to go.

Finally, there's the issue of mood lighting. Nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 15-inch SVGA monitor. If we agree that this is every woman's dream scenario, then I think we can also agree that it's best if the guy knows how to use the computer. Otherwise, he'll just look like a loser sitting in front of a PC in his underwear.

In summary, it's not that I think non-PC users are less attractive. It's just that I'm sure they won't read this article.


necu vise... :]
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Speed
poruka Feb 28 2007, 17:33
Poruka #29

Karbonski potrošač kiseonika


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(I'm with the pilots)
And women prefer men who listen. Computer users are excellent listeners because they can look at you for long periods of time without saying anything. Granted, early in a relationship it's better if the guy actually talks. But men use up all the stories they'll ever have after six months. If a woman marries a guy who's in, let's say, retail sales, she'll get repeat stories starting in the seventh month and lasting forever. Marry an engineer and she gets a great listener for the next 70 years.


ROFL!


--------------------
Sa o Roma babo babo
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violaine
poruka Feb 28 2007, 19:45
Poruka #30




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neko me pitao odakle sam ovo iscupala, pa hajde
http://www.ariel.com.au/jokes/

procitajte intervju sa stroustrupom skroz je do jaja:


An Interview with Bjarne Stroustrup
On the 1st of January, 1998, Bjarne Stroustrup gave an interview to the IEEE's 'Computer' magazine.

Naturally, the editors thought he would be giving a retrospective view of seven years of object-oriented design, using the language he created.

By the end of the interview, the interviewer got more than he had bargained for and, subsequently, the editor decided to suppress its contents, 'for he good of the industry' but, as with many of these things, there was a leak.

Here is a complete transcript of what was was said,unedited, and unrehearsed, so it isn't as neat as planned interviews.

You will find it interesting...

Interviewer: Well, it's been a few years since you changed the world of software design, how does it feel, looking back?

Stroustrup: Actually, I was thinking about those days, just before you arrived. Do you remember? Everyone was writing 'C' and, the trouble was, they were pretty damn good at it. Universities got pretty good at teaching it, too. They were turning out competent - I stress the word 'competent' - graduates at a phenomenal rate. That's what caused the problem.

Interviewer: problem?

Stroustrup: Yes, problem. Remember when everyone wrote Cobol?

Interviewer: Of course, I did too

Stroustrup: Well, in the beginning, these guys were like demi-gods. Their salaries were high, and they were treated like royalty.

Interviewer: Those were the days, eh?

Stroustrup: Right. So what happened? IBM got sick of it, and invested millions in training programmers, till they were a dime a dozen.

Interviewer: That's why I got out. Salaries dropped within a year, to the point where being a journalist actually paid better.

Stroustrup: Exactly. Well, the same happened with 'C' programmers.

Interviewer: I see, but what's the point?

Stroustrup: Well, one day, when I was sitting in my office, I thought of this little scheme, which would redress the balance a little. I thought 'I wonder what would happen, if there were a language so complicated, so difficult to learn, that nobody would ever be able to swamp the market with programmers? Actually, I got some of the ideas from X10, you know, X windows. That was such a bitch of a graphics system, that it only just ran on those Sun 3/60 things. They had all the ingredients for what I wanted. A really ridiculously complex syntax, obscure functions, and pseudo-OO structure. Even now, nobody writes raw X-windows code. Motif is the only way to go if you want to retain your sanity.

Interviewer: You're kidding...?

Stroustrup: Not a bit of it. In fact, there was another problem. Unix was written in 'C', which meant that any 'C' programmer could very easily become a systems programmer. Remember what a mainframe systems programmer used to earn?

Interviewer: You bet I do, that's what I used to do.

Stroustrup: OK, so this new language had to divorce itself from Unix, by hiding all the system calls that bound the two together so nicely. This would enable guys who only knew about DOS to earn a decent living too.

Interviewer: I don't believe you said that...

Stroustrup: Well, it's been long enough, now, and I believe most people have figured out for themselves that C++ is a waste of time but, I must say, it's taken them a lot longer than I thought it would.

Interviewer: So how exactly did you do it?

Stroustrup: It was only supposed to be a joke, I never thought people would take the book seriously. Anyone with half a brain can see that object-oriented programming is counter-intuitive, illogical and inefficient.

Interviewer: What?

Stroustrup: And as for 're-useable code' - when did you ever hear of a company re-using its code?

Interviewer: Well, never, actually, but...

Stroustrup: There you are then. Mind you, a few tried, in the early days. There was this Oregon company - Mentor Graphics, I think they were called - really caught a cold trying to rewrite everything in C++ in about '90 or '91. I felt sorry for them really, but I thought people would learn from their mistakes.

Interviewer: Obviously, they didn't?

Stroustrup: Not in the slightest. Trouble is, most companies hush-up all their major blunders, and explaining a $30 million loss to the shareholders would have been difficult. Give them their due, though, they made it work in the end.

Interviewer: They did? Well, there you are then, it proves O-O works.

Stroustrup: Well, almost. The executable was so huge, it took five minutes to load, on an HP workstation, with 128MB of RAM. Then it ran like treacle. Actually, I thought this would be a major stumbling-block, and I'd get found out within a week, but nobody cared. Sun and HP were only too glad to sell enormously powerful boxes, with huge resources just to run trivial programs. You know, when we had our first C++ compiler, at AT&T, I compiled 'Hello World', and couldn't believe the size of the executable. 2.1MB

Interviewer: What? Well, compilers have come a long way, since then.

Stroustrup: They have? Try it on the latest version of g++ - you won't get much change out of half a megabyte. Also, there are several quite recent examples for you, from all over the world. British Telecom had a major disaster on their hands but, luckily, managed to scrap the whole thing and start again. They were luckier than Australian Telecom. Now I hear that Siemens is building a dinosaur, and getting more and more worried as the size of the hardware gets bigger, to accommodate the executables. Isn't multiple inheritance a joy?

Interviewer: Yes, but C++ is basically a sound language.

Stroustrup: You really believe that, don't you? Have you ever sat down and worked on a C++ project? Here's what happens: First, I've put in enough pitfalls to make sure that only the most trivial projects will work first time. Take operator overloading. At the end of the project, almost every module has it, usually, because guys feel they really should do it, as it was in their training course. The same operator then means something totally different in every module. Try pulling that lot together, when you have a hundred or so modules. And as for data hiding. God, I sometimes can't help laughing when I hear about the problems companies have making their modules talk to each other. I think the word 'synergistic' was specially invented to twist the knife in a project manager's ribs.

Interviewer: I have to say, I'm beginning to be quite appalled at all this. You say you did it to raise programmers' salaries? That's obscene.

Stroustrup: Not really. Everyone has a choice. I didn't expect the thing to get so much out of hand. Anyway, I basically succeeded. C++ is dying off now, but programmers still get high salaries - especially those poor devils who have to maintain all this crap. You do realise, it's impossible to maintain a large C++ software module if you didn't actually write it?

Interviewer: How come?

Stroustrup: You are out of touch, aren't you? Remember the typedef?

Interviewer: Yes, of course.

Stroustrup: Remember how long it took to grope through the header files only to find that 'RoofRaised' was a double precision number? Well, imagine how long it takes to find all the implicit typedefs in all the Classes in a major project.

Interviewer: So how do you reckon you've succeeded?

Stroustrup: Remember the length of the average-sized 'C' project? About 6 months. Not nearly long enough for a guy with a wife and kids to earn enough to have a decent standard of living. Take the same project, design it in C++ and what do you get? I'll tell you. One to two years. Isn't that great? All that job security, just through one mistake of judgement. And another thing. The universities haven't been teaching 'C' for such a long time, there's now a shortage of decent 'C' programmers. Especially those who know anything about Unix systems programming. How many guys would know what to do with 'malloc', when they've used 'new' all these years - and never bothered to check the return code. In fact, most C++ programmers throw away their return codes. Whatever happened to good ol' '-1'? At least you knew you had an error, without bogging the thing down in all that 'throw' 'catch' 'try' stuff.

Interviewer: But, surely, inheritance does save a lot of time?

Stroustrup: does it? Have you ever noticed the difference between a 'C' project plan, and a C++ project plan? The planning stage for a C++ project is three times as long. Precisely to make sure that everything which should be inherited is, and what shouldn't isn't. Then, they still get it wrong. Whoever heard of memory leaks in a 'C' program? Now finding them is a major industry. Most companies give up, and send the product out, knowing it leaks like a sieve, simply to avoid the expense of tracking them all down.

Interviewer: There are tools...

Stroustrup: Most of which were written in C++.

Interviewer: If we publish this, you'll probably get lynched, you do realise that?

Stroustrup: I doubt it. As I said, C++ is way past its peak now, and no company in its right mind would start a C++ project without a pilot trial. That should convince them that it's the road to disaster. If not, they deserve all they get. You know, I tried to convince Dennis Ritchie to rewrite Unix inC++.

Interviewer: Oh my God. What did he say?

Stroustrup: Well, luckily, he has a good sense of humor. I think both he and Brian figured out what I was doing, in the early days, but never let on. He said he'd help me write a C++ version of DOS, if I was interested.

Interviewer: Were you?

Stroustrup: Actually, I did write DOS in C++, I'll give you a demo when we're through. I have it running on a Sparc 20 in the computer room. Goes like a rocket on 4 CPU's, and only takes up 70 megs of disk.

Interviewer: What's it like on a PC?

Stroustrup: Now you're kidding. Haven't you ever seen Windows '95? I think of that as my biggest success. Nearly blew the game before I was ready, though.

Interviewer: You know, that idea of a Unix++ has really got me thinking. Somewhere out there, there's a guy going to try it.

Stroustrup: Not after they read this interview.

Interviewer: I'm sorry, but I don't see us being able to publish any of this.

Stroustrup: But it's the story of the century. I only want to be remembered by my fellow programmers, for what I've done for them. You know how much a C++ guy can get these days?

Interviewer: Last I heard, a really top guy is worth $70 - $80 an hour.

Stroustrup: See? And I bet he earns it. Keeping track of all the gotchas I put into C++ is no easy job. And, as I said before, every C++ programmer feels bound by some mystic promise to use every damn element of the language on every project. Actually, that really annoys me sometimes, even though it serves my original purpose. I almost like the language after all this time.

Interviewer: You mean you didn't before?

Stroustrup: Hated it. It even looks clumsy, don't you agree? But when the book royalties started to come in... well, you get the picture.

Interviewer: Just a minute. What about references? You must admit, you improved on 'C' pointers.

Stroustrup: Hmm. I've always wondered about that. Originally, I thought I had. Then, one day I was discussing this with a guy who'd written C++ from the beginning. He said he could never remember whether his variables were referenced or dereferenced, so he always used pointers. He said the little asterisk always reminded him.

Interviewer: Well, at this point, I usually say 'thank you very much' but it hardly seems adequate.

Stroustrup: Promise me you'll publish this. My conscience is getting the better of me these days.

Interviewer: I'll let you know, but I think I know what my editor will say.

Stroustrup: Who'd believe it anyway? Although, can you send me a copy of that tape?

Interviewer: I can do that.

[Note - for the humor-impaired, not a true story] :smeh:


kako dobra rech, humor-impaired :]
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noteB
poruka Oct 14 2009, 22:12
Poruka #31

jebem vas ja...


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Linus Torvalds wasn't born. he was developed. by himself.
since 1969, the year Linus Torvalds was developed (by himself),
software quality has increased 19.000 percent.

Linus Torvalds's first words were syscalls.

Linus Torvalds's DNA is in binary.

Linus Torvalds didn't learn from the University of Helsinki.
the University of Helsinki learned from Linus Torvalds.

Linus Torvalds wasn't like the other students of University of
Helsinki. he took notes in binary...

Linus Torvalds's first written program had artificial intelligence.

Linus Torvalds learned to program,
and the computer printed HELLO, WORLD by itself.

Linus Torvalds knows the question to 42.

Linus Torvalds finished the Linux kernel the day before he started on it.

Linus Torvalds's kernel never panics.

Linus Torvalds is registered Linux user #1.

Linus Torvalds didn't design Linux to run on the 386.
Intel designed the 386 to run Linux.

Linus Torvalds already has Linux 3.0.
he is just keeping it to himself to build suspense.

Linus Torvalds is not out to destroy Micro¤oft.
that will just be a completely unintentional side effect.

Linus Torvalds is taking over the world. Micro¤oft is just a diversion
so that no one would suspect a mild mannered Finnish programmer.

Linus Torvalds only has to enter a room, and every Windows
computer in it segfaults instantly.

Linus Torvalds created recursion so that GNU
would have something to occupy themselves while they wait for the HURD.

Linus Torvalds can cure carpal tunnel syndrome by touching infected people.
he does not cure RMS because he thinks it's funny to listen to RMS
dictating code for the HURD.

Linus Torvalds's favorite joke is HURD

Linus Torvalds rmmodded Richard Stallman's razors.

Linus Torvalds haunts Theo De Raadt in his dreams.

Linus Torvalds can touch MC Hammer.

Linus Torvalds doesn't worry about Micro¤oft patent crap,
he simply does "sudo mv /tmp/ms /dev/null".

Linus Torvalds won the Tanenbaum-Torvalds debate by reprogramming it.

Linus Torvalds does not sleep. he hacks.

Linus Torvalds doesn't wget. he wdemands.

Linus Torvalds can program effectively for long periods of time... without caffeine.

Linus Torvalds rarely gets angry. because when he does, kernels everywhere begin to panic.

Linus Torvalds was considered as being old and stable at 24,
but new and bleeding edge at 26.

Linus Torvalds once found a segmentation fault in the universe.

Linus Torvalds can delete the universe by typing rm -rf /.

Linus Torvalds can run emerge --update world, and the whole world will actually update!

Linus Torvalds is always right. sometimes even more than usual.

Linus Torvalds simply know better than you do.

Linus Torvalds has as much authority as the Pope. he just doesn't have as many people who believe it.

Linus Torvalds is real, unless declared Integer.

Linus Torvalds's ideas are always the best ideas and people who disagree
with him are by definition crazy and probably butt-ugly. (until he changes his mind.
then they can suddenly become upstanding citizens. he is flexible, not black-and-white.)

Linus Torvalds's software contain all the design innovations possible to make.
in addition to this, they even managed to make up a few of their own.

Linus Torvalds is the commonest definition of the word programmer

Linus Torvalds can execute x86 in his head.

Linus Torvalds can program using a scroll-wheel.

Linus Torvalds does not need a keyboard, the computer just knows what his needs are.

Linus Torvalds has a multi-core brain.

Linus Torvalds created apt by typing apt-get install apt.

Linus Torvalds sorts in O(1).

Linus Torvalds doesn't need to boot.

Linus Torvalds doesn't receive error messages.

Linus Torvalds doesn't use "sudo".

Linus Torvalds is more powerful than root.

Linus Torvalds doesn't need to mount his drives.

Linus Torvalds doesn't need backups.
he just uploads his files and lets the world mirror them.

Linus Torvalds doesn't debug. his programs are always perfect.

Linus Torvalds's source codes compile themselves.

Linus Torvalds only has 2 buttons on his keyboard, '1' and '0'.

Linus Torvalds doesn't use the GCC. he writes binaries.

Linus Torvalds can program without a keyboard.

Linus Torvalds can write to NTFS.

Linus Torvalds can defragment an NTFS partition by hand.

Linus Torvalds can write to HFS+ with Journaling and case-sensitivity.

Linus Torvalds can manipulate bits on the harddrive with his mind (at 3200 YB/s).

Linus Torvalds doesn't need STDERR.

Linus Torvalds can install Gentoo in under a week.

Linus Torvalds is faster than Yoper.

Linus Torvalds can stop a BSOD... on Vista 64-bit.

Linus Torvalds surfs the web using nothing but netcat.

Linus Torvalds once developed a programming language so good
that it makes Python look like punch cards.

Linus Torvalds writes new software, then he just makes punch cards
with his teeth and feeds them into a reader.

Linus Torvalds has no sense of user interface design.

Linus Torvalds doesn't use a monitor.
he can read the video signals from a VGA cable with his finger.

Linus Torvalds can instantly ROT-13 all text that he sees. twice.

Linus Torvalds has developed warp drive, sun destroying bombs
and a ray that can teleport him a new sausage each day
before he drinks his morning beer.

Linus Torvalds hacked physics so his car can go 50 000 kmph.

Linus Torvalds runs Linux on his wristwatch and toaster.

Linus Torvalds can install Linux on a dead badger.

Linus Torvalds doesn't need anti-virus software.
Virii need anti-Linus software.

Linus Torvalds has a list of events that he allows to occur.
it is commonly reffered to as "the theory of probability".

Linus Torvalds left and right hand are also known as "(" and ")".

Linus Torvalds doesn't push the flush toilet button, brush his teeth,
shower or clean his house. he simply says "make clean".

Linus Torvalds has no dependencies.

Linus Torvalds doesn't wear glasses anymore.
not because he had laser eye surgery,
but because he finally got his xorg.conf properly configured in his head.

Linus Torvalds has never used a backspace key before.

Linus Torvalds can determine whether an arbitrary program will terminate.

Linus Torvalds's alphabet cereal forms source code.

Linus Torvalds eats bug reports for lunch.

Linus Torvalds can still leave neutral or negative feedback to buyers on eBay.

Linus Torvalds can do an infinite loop in five seconds... in his head.

Linus Torvalds has counted to infinity. twice. both positive and negative infinity.

Linus Torvalds made the red pill.

Linus Torvalds is the one, and Linux is the Matrix.

Linus Torvalds is the kernel.

Linus Torvalds can enrich himself simply by chowning your bank account.
he doesn't do this because there is no challenge in it.

Linus Torvalds can use a nice level lower than -20.

Linus Torvalds can run kill -9 and kill Chuck Norris.

Linus Torvalds programmed God in his own image.

Linus Torvalds doesn't pray to God. God prays to Linus.

Linus Torvalds doesn't read the man pages. he reads the God pages.

Linus Torvalds doesn't die, he simply returns zero.

Linus Torvalds can divide by zero.

Linus Torvalds once wrote a program that divides by zero.

Linus Torvalds's stream of conciousness is entirely in binary.

Linus Torvalds can play 3D games in his head
by interpreting the source code in real-time.

Linus Torvalds played through Duke Nukem Forever. in 1998.

Linus Torvalds takes one look at your desktop and knows
which porn sites you visited. In the last ten years.

Linus Torvalds scared A and B away.
consequently we program in C today.

Linus Torvalds wrote a progam that computed the last digit of pi.

Linus Torvalds solved Russell's paradox.

Linus Torvalds can solve The Halting Problem... in polynomial time.

Linus Torvalds can solve NP-hard problems in logarithmic time.

Linus Torvalds's computer's clock isn't synchronized with the world.
the world synchronizes with Linus Torvalds's clock

Bill Gates left his university to start Micro¤oft.
Steve Jobs sold his Wolkswagen bus to start Apple.
Linus Torvalds made a new thread in a forum and put a file on a ftp server.


--------------------
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DYLAN
poruka Jul 4 2013, 14:44
Poruka #32




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Ulazi programer u prodavnicu
-Dajte mi 200 grama salame.
-Da vam narežem?
-Ne,prebacite mi na fleš!
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"Ajmo čaše svi u vis,
nova tura je na mene,
ajde pevaljka na bis,
sada muzika nek' krene
jer ona noćas leči svaku ranu što me peče,
zapevajmo svi ko' jedan,alhokol da teče.
I ajmo sad da tapšemo,da zagrejemo dlanove,
da lomimo kafane,potapamo splavove,
jer ovaj ritam drma ko' da udara te struja,
a ribe neka mešaju svaka ****, ****.
Hoću havariju,svaka čaša,flaša da je slomljena,
polupani šankovi,u srči smo do kolena.
Zdravicu da čujem za sve moje ortake,
da oteramo dagbe,cirkamo do zadnje banke.
Za probisvete,mangupe,za sve moje dangube,
da birali su ne bi mogli takve da ih sakupe,
za kraljeve,kaldrme za proseke sa drumova,
za sve ortake koji noćas kriju se od klubova.
za sve gazde klubova,
u ime starih dugova,
stiže ekipa mutnija od Dunava
što pare je olupala,samo da bi pucala,
pa je mesec ove noći sav u rupama.
Da se ponašamo bahato dok ne razvalimo lokal,
šta će ko da pije,ma daj još jedan bokal!"
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DYLAN
poruka Jul 6 2013, 16:39
Poruka #33




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QUOTE(PR0T0N @ Feb 28 2007, 17:20) *
Ovo je najja�e. :tobre:





Seta covek pored neke bare, kad zaba skoci ispred njega i progovori:

- Ako me poljubis pretvoricu se u prekrasnu princezu!!!

Covek joj pride uzme je i stavi je u dzep. Zaba opet progovori:

- Hej, nisi cuo? Ako me poljubis pretvoricu se u prekrasnu princezu!!!

Covek izvadi zabu iz dzepa, pogleda je, nasmesi se i vrati je nazad u
dzep. Sad zaba, vec sva ocajna, progovori:

- Ako me poljubis, pretvoricu se u prekrasnu princezu, bicu s tobom
koliko god ti zelis, i radicu sve sto pozelis.

Covek opet izvadi zabu, ponovno se nasmesi i vrati je u dzep. Zaba ce:

- Dobro, pa u cemu je problem? Rekla sam ti da cu se pretvoriti u
prekrasnu princezu, bicu s tobom koliko god to zelis i radicu sve sto
pozelis. Zasto onda neces da me poljubis??

Covek odgovori:

- Gle, ovako, ja sam programer i nemam vremena za cure i ta sranja, ali
imati zabu koja prica je bas cool!!


Hahahahaha!!!!! CARINO!!!!!!!!!!!!! thumbsup.gif


--------------------
FOR MY BEST FRIENDS!

"Ajmo čaše svi u vis,
nova tura je na mene,
ajde pevaljka na bis,
sada muzika nek' krene
jer ona noćas leči svaku ranu što me peče,
zapevajmo svi ko' jedan,alhokol da teče.
I ajmo sad da tapšemo,da zagrejemo dlanove,
da lomimo kafane,potapamo splavove,
jer ovaj ritam drma ko' da udara te struja,
a ribe neka mešaju svaka ****, ****.
Hoću havariju,svaka čaša,flaša da je slomljena,
polupani šankovi,u srči smo do kolena.
Zdravicu da čujem za sve moje ortake,
da oteramo dagbe,cirkamo do zadnje banke.
Za probisvete,mangupe,za sve moje dangube,
da birali su ne bi mogli takve da ih sakupe,
za kraljeve,kaldrme za proseke sa drumova,
za sve ortake koji noćas kriju se od klubova.
za sve gazde klubova,
u ime starih dugova,
stiže ekipa mutnija od Dunava
što pare je olupala,samo da bi pucala,
pa je mesec ove noći sav u rupama.
Da se ponašamo bahato dok ne razvalimo lokal,
šta će ko da pije,ma daj još jedan bokal!"
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