Programerski vicevi Opcije

[Rada ... sa neta]

Par programerskih viceva, koji nisu za shiru masu (posto naravno nece skontati)

---
Sta programer kaze kad zeli oralni sex?
Unpack and execute
---
Koliko programera treba da se zameni sijalica?
Nijedan, to je ipak hardverski problem
---
Sta vice programer kad se davi ?
F1 F1 F1 !!!
---
Posalje zena muza programera u radju i kazu mu:
"Kupi margarin, ako ima jaja, kupi 10 !"
Muz ode u radnju, vraca se kuci, stavi na sto 10 margarina i kaze:
"Ima jaja"
---


Slobodno doprinesite

[NS-CODE]

Pfff... i nisu ne�to

Ovaj mi je omiljeni u poslednje vreme: Da bi ste razumeli rekurziju, morate prvo razumeti rekurziju
(mada, striktno govoreći, ovo NIJE rekurzija nego običan circulus vitiosus, al da ne sitničarimo, vic je u pitanju )


Klasika:
Postoji 10 vrsta ljudi na svetu: oni koji znaju i oni koji ne znaju binarne brojeve.

Q: Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31


The Programmers' Cheer:

Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!



Q: Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
A: Because it is below C level.


How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

[Nikolaj]

Par programerskih viceva, koji nisu za shiru masu (posto naravno nece skontati)

---
Sta programer kaze kad zeli oralni sex?
Unpack and execute
---
Koliko programera treba da se zameni sijalica?
Nijedan, to je ipak hardverski problem
---
Sta vice programer kad se davi ?
F1 F1 F1 !!!
---
Posalje zena muza programera u radju i kazu mu:
"Kupi margarin, ako ima jaja, kupi 10 !"
Muz ode u radnju, vraca se kuci, stavi na sto 10 margarina i kaze:
"Ima jaja"
---


Slobodno doprinesite

ovaj sam radnjim sam cuo jos ranije, ali extra je

[Mr. Van den Puup]

*Kako se pozdravljaju nazi hakeri?
Zip-Fajl...

[Mr. Van den Puup]

Razgovaraju dva hakera:
� Zna� onaj pogled, ono, kad devojci prosto viri seks iz o�iju, kad se vidi da bi htela...
� Ne znam.
� Ni ja.


Informati�arska kletva:
� Dabogda ti �ena bila open source!


Kako se krste programeri:
U ime oca,
Sina,
I Svetoga Duha ,
Enter

[Rada ... sa neta]

� Zna� onaj pogled, ono, kad devojci prosto viri seks iz o�iju, kad se vidi da bi htela...
� Ne znam.
� Ni ja.
---
Informati�arska kletva:
� Dabogda ti �ena bila open source!

ROFL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@zeljko Dobri su ti vicevi, nisam ih cuo :tobre: :bravo:

[Nikola]

Posalje zena muza programera u radju i kazu mu:
"Kupi margarin, ako ima jaja, kupi 10 !"
Muz ode u radnju, vraca se kuci, stavi na sto 10 margarina i kaze:
"Ima jaja"

Ovo je stvarno jedan od najboljih...


Elem: Zashto je zhena programer kao morsko prase?

[violaine]

Posalje zena muza programera u radju i kazu mu:
"Kupi margarin, ako ima jaja, kupi 10 !"
Muz ode u radnju, vraca se kuci, stavi na sto 10 margarina i kaze:
"Ima jaja"

Ovo je stvarno jedan od najboljih...

jeste jeste :]

a imamo i ono
tuzan programer: ne radi program i ne zna gde je greska
srecan programer: ne radi program ali zna gde je bar jedna greska

to nam pricao nas asistent :] (iz svog iskustva)

a onaj cuveni jel za 10 ljudi na svetu...blabla..mnogo ljudi kod mene na fasku nije skontalo...

[dig]

The Programmers' Cheer:

Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Ahahaah.....Genijalan.....

Neam nisha da doprinesem pametno, al morah reci za ovaj da je genijalan....!

[nela]

- Kako radnici MICROSOFT-a mjenjaju sijalicu kada izgori?
- Nikako, proglase mrak za standard po defaultu.


Dozivio informaticar brodolom i nasao se na pustom otoku. Dani, mjeseci su prolazili i vidi ovaj da ga nitko nece spasiti pocne on graditi nekakvu kolibu. Slozio on sebi kolibu, i ono fino zaspao... Kad ujutro se probudi a iznad njega stoji zenska ono plavusa, sisata, vitka ... i kaze ona njemu:
- "Ajde ti dodji kod mene ja sam tu s druge strane otoka."
Dosli oni kod nje kad vidi on, velika kuca, sve sredjeno, stednjak, frizider... Pita on nju:
- "Pa otkud ti sve to?"
- "Ma to sam sve pokupila s broda prije nego je potonuo..."
Udje unutra, ona njega fino nahrani... Kaze mu neka se istusira, kao ono ima ona i toplu vodu ... bojler na generator... Istusira se on,izadje van a ono zenska skine grudnjak pa gacice ... i kaze mu:
- "E sad cu ti dati ono sto cekas vec 6 mjeseci."
A informaticar ce:
- "Nemoj me zezat da imas i internet!!!"


Fitja ne uspeva da zakoci na crvenom svetlu, i svom silom se zabije u zadnjem delu najnovijeg BMW, koji ceka na semaforu ispred njega. Na displeju BMW-a se ispisuje poruka:
- "Found new hardware. Install?"


- Zasto Windows millenium sluzi kao cuvar u zatvoru?
- Zato sto uvek blokira.


U nekoj after-work setnji, jedan programer se poverava drugom:
- "Znas, imam problem... nece da mi se digne..."
- "Je l' si probao iz safe - moda?"
- "Jesam, nece..."


Otisla plavusa u posti i pitala zasto nece kompjuter da je konektuje:
- "A jel znas koji ti je password?"
- "6 zvezdica."


- "Tata, reci mi, kako sam se rodio?"
- "Dobro sine, znao sam da ces me jednog dana to pitati. Evo ovako. Tata i mama su napravili jedan copy/paste na jednom chatu na MSN. Tata je onda dao mami sastanak preko email-a u WC-u u jednom cybercafeu. Onda je mama napravila nekoliko download-a s tatinim memory stick-om.
Kad je tata bio spreman za upload, primjetili smo da nismo stavili firewall. Kako je bilo kasno da se koristi undo, a ni delete vise nije pomagao, 9 mjeseci kasnije nam je stigao zajebani virus..."

[NS-CODE]

Pričaju dva programera koji rade na kodu za enkripciju... jedan je malo nagluv:

-"2db76afcc5c0176b2770fc2360cc1cd4"!

-What?!?

-I said, "648a19754f7803769c66f871b9cd171a"!

[frik]

A neki bi mogli slede�i put jednostavno staviti link za www.vicevi.co.yu itd, �isto da se ne mu�e...
I da, nisu lo�i vicevi, naprotiv, neke �ak nisam ni �uo/video do sada...

[Nikola]

Elem: Zashto je zhena programer kao morsko prase?

Pa, morsko prase nije morsko, a nije ni prase.

[FludonJa]

izgrizao sam ruku dok nisi napisao odgovor ;*

[Tomy]

Proglasavam ovo najboljim topikom na celooooom forumu : )

[Rada ... sa neta]

[violaine]

Several students were asked the following problem:

Prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.





Mathematician:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime.



Statistician:
100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 is prime, so all odd numbers must be prime.



Physicist:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is�
Uh, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime�
Well, it seems that you're right.
Wouldn't a modern physicist employ something like renormalization?

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is�

9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is�

15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime, 21 is�

21/3 is prime�



Quantum Physicist:
All numbers are equally prime and non-prime until observed.



Chemist:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime� That's enough.



Cosmologist:
3 is prime, yes it is true.


Engineer:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is� 9 is�
Well if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime�
Well, it does seem right.

Engineer:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not working, fetch toolbox.

Engineer:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime�[Continue until told to go home by others]

-- ovde pocinje pizdarija -- (al ima i nekih izforsiranih stvari, bezveze)

Computer scientist:
�I've just whipped up a program to REALLY go and prove it�� He goes over to his terminal and runs his program. Reading the output on the screen he says: �1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime��



Computer scientist using Unix:
3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime, segmentation fault. core dumped.



GNU program:
% prime
usage: prime [-nV] [--quiet] [--silent] [--version] [-e script]
--catenate --concatenate | c --create | d --diff --compare |
r --append | t --list | u --update | x --extract --get
[ --atime-preserve ] [ -b, --block-size N ] [ -B, --read-full-blocks ]
[ -C, --directory DIR ] [ --checkpoint ] [ -f, --file [HOSTNAME:] ]
[ --force-local ] [ -F, --info-script F --new-volume-script F ]
[ -G, --incremental ] [ -g, --listed-incremental F ] [ -h, --dereference ]
[ -i, --ignore-zeros ] [ --ignore-failed-read ] [ -k, --keep-old-files ]
[ -K, --starting-file F ] [ -l, --one-file-system ] [ -L, --tape-length N ]
[ -m, --modification-time ] [ -M, --multi-volume ]
[ -N, --after-date DATE, --newer DATE ] [ -o, --old-archive, --portability ]
[ -O, --to-stdout ] [ -p, --same-permissions, --preserve-permissions ]
[ -P, --absolute-paths ] [ --preserve ] [ -R, --record-number ]
[-f script-file] [--expression=script] [--file=script-file] [file...]
prime: you must specify exactly one of the r, c, t, x, or d options
For more information, type "prime --help"


Computer Scientist:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime, 7 is prime�
Bus error. Core dumped.



The computer programmer method is:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is�
Opps, let's try that again:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is�
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is�
3 is�
Um, right. Okay, how about this:
3 is not prime, 5 is not prime, 7 is not prime, 9 is not prime�
So much for the beta releases. Ship this:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a feature, 11 is prime�
And put on the cover �More prime numbers than anyone else in the industry!�

Coming soon:
�13 is a prime, 4 is a feature, 5 is a prime, 6 is a feature, 7 is a prime,
8 is not yet implemented, 9 is our backwards compatibilty module��


Windows programmer:
1 is prime. Wait.

Mac programmer:
Now why would anyone want to know about that? That's not user friendly. You don't worry about it, we'll take care of it for you.


Bill Gates:
1. No one will ever need any more than 1.


TRS-80 Computer Programmer:
One is prime, Two is prime, Three is prime, Out of Memory.


Computer Scientist with a Pentium:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 6.9999978 is prime�



Software tech support operator:
Well, we haven't had any reports of composite odd numbers�
Do you have the latest version of ZFC?



Logician:
Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime.
Proof:
1) If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true.
2) The proof exists; you're reading it now.
From 1 and 2 follows that all odd numbers are prime.

Confused Undergraduate:
yes, it's true.
Proof: Let p be any prime number larger than 2.
Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd.
QED

itd itd...

[frik]

Coming soon:
�13 is a prime, 4 is a feature, 5 is a prime, 6 is a feature, 7 is a prime,
8 is not yet implemented, 9 is our backwards compatibilty module��


Bill Gates:
1. No one will ever need any more than 1.


TRS-80 Computer Programmer:
One is prime, Two is prime, Three is prime, Out of Memory.


Computer Scientist with a Pentium:
3 is prime, 5 is prime, 6.9999978 is prime�

:happy1: :happy1: :happy1: :happy1: :happy1:
Svaka ti �ast, ne secam se kad sam se ovako dobro smejao

[mohel]

Elem: Zashto je zhena programer kao morsko prase?

Pa, morsko prase nije morsko, a nije ni prase.

:bravo:

Proglasavam ovo najboljim topikom na celooooom forumu : )

slazem se!

[NS-CODE]

Several students were asked the following problem:

Prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.

...

joj, da... kako se ovog nisam setio